Napkin Fiction: “Sean F-ing Connery” by Tony D’Souza

Writer Tony D’Souza reflects on an encounter with Sean.

I’d like to correlate people’s interactions with the star, I have a few gems all ready and think they’d make a very nice blog post. But first, here’s Tony’s Napkin Fiction.

 I once waited on Sean Connery. A long time ago. This was at the Caledonian Hotel in Edinburgh. They closed down the restaurant for him, and when he walked in with his morning paper, all the waitresses started squealing. He was a big guy, bigger than in the movies. I was the only male. Of course the manager sent me out to him. I took Connery’s order, came back to the kitchen. The girls pulled my arms. ‘What did he say? What did he say?’ I did my best Connery impression, said, ‘May I have a cup of coffee?’ I took the coffee out to him, came back, felt cool. The girls wouldn’t have gone crazy like that for Jesus. Then the manager called me over, his face white, wringing his hands. He said, ‘Mr. Connery wants you.’ Suddenly I was nervous. Connery was one of the most famous people in the whole world. I went out, walked all the way across the empty restaurant to him. They were all watching from the swinging doors; the manager, the waitresses, everyone. When I got to him he said to me, “May I have a spoon?”

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